Friday, November 30, 2007
12:53 AM
I can't do this. It's become such that I can't do anything without feelin so self-conscious. Maybe I'll just walk away..
Cause everytime I do, I just see what I'm not. I just see what I'm lacking in. Which shouldn't be the case should it?
I should be seeing what I am. Seeing what I have.. Seeing what I can do..
Maybe YOU are right. Maybe I'm not able to do that.. But that doesn't mean anything.
Just because I can't now doesn't mean I can't ever.
Just because it isn't now doesn't mean it isn't forever.
Cause that's why changes exist.
NTH is constant.
You're crucifying me without even giving me a chance. Is that fair..?
It doesn't mean that just because you feel it isn't possible means it's not possible.
I don't need you to tell me what I can't do. I need to know that for myself. That's how man was created to be. You'll never be satisfied without trying out for yourself.
Just as if someone tells me that they are unable to do something, I would want to try and do it so I can say, "I'm the one who is able to.."
Not that I'm saying I'm just merely trying in order to prove myself to anyone. But I just need to find out for myself whether I am able to. Whether I have what it takes..
You're just making me feel forcibly extracted..
But there's nth for YOU to do about it anymore. Things have been thrown out of control till I can try to make things the way they were before that.
Stable.. Confident.. In control..
Would it ever get back to how it was? That depends on whether I can change myself.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
11:52 PM
Now, we head towards the battlefield!
Believe, and our blades will not break!
Believe, and our hearts will not bend!
Though the roads we take may be different, our iron hearts will beat as one!
Swear, that even if the Earth is torn asunder, we will live and return here once again!
10:42 PM
ALRIGHT! I've FINALLY completed my PROM OUTFIT! Hahahahahahahaha. =D
Wasn't supposed to have completed today, cause I forgot to bring out my money. Haha. But thanks to Ernest, who used his credit card, I was able to buy everything. Cool eh?
No more shopping for prom! Lol.
I like my outfit alot. Kinda spend really alot of money on it, but I'll be able to wear everything even after prom, all except my jacket. So, its money well spent. =)
Good day! Haha.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
11:52 PM
Can't say I'm looking forward to tmr.. Haha..
Not tmr TMR but tmr's flyer giving out. It's really tiring. Plus everyone knows I'm not the kind that likes one-to-a-crowd interaction.. 1-to-1 ALWAYS suits me just fine. 1-to-2 is still acceptable. Yea. LOL.
Well, here's to tmr~! And friday.. Irony I'm both looking forward and also not looking forward to both these days. Due to different reasons though. Heh. Mmmmm.
Lalalalala. Time to hit the pillows.
11:07 PM
Dude, come on. Don't say all those things that you and I both know aren't true.
Just because now it is, doesn't mean you can say it is. Just some time ago you were telling me things that were the of a total opposite tune. Yep.
First time I fell asleep on the bus today. Haha. Too tired I guesss.. Ahhh. Thank God I only missed two stops. Had to walk home half dead but oh well. =D
Lalalalalala. TMR! MOVIE! =D
6:11 PM
Eh.. 2 people same day, both wanting my email add? Freaky. LOL.
1:52 AM
I do hope you're alright.. Mmmmm.. Didn't get a reply from you and was worried.
Well, lost my way on the way back and was unable to find help.. Yea. Haha. So I JUST got home which is approxmately 1.50 a.m..
Tired. Aching. NITE.
Pictures from the nite cycling trip..
Friday, November 23, 2007
9:58 PM
My days are slowly slipping away from me.. Mmmmm..
10:18 AM
Whoa.. These 3 days have been a blast! and you know, it seems like I've been going out for like, a week.. (Though its only 3 days) LOL.
K I'll start with..
20/11/07 - EXAMS ARE OVER!! =D
Ok, as the title suggests, today is the last day of MY A LEVELs! YEA! HA HA HA HA HA! =)
After the paper, waited with Dickson, Edwin, Wei Jin and Hin Fan for the gang (Theo, Sheila and Adele.. Farouq had plans) , who take H2 Physics and hence end 15 mins later than the H1s. Heh. Mmmmm.
Once they finished, Edwin and Dickson went to meet Kek, the gang waited for me while I changed and off we went!
MRT-ed straight to City Hall, walked along the City Link (where the rest finally changed) and headed to Marina Square. We had Breakfast-Lunch at Sakae Sushi with my vouchers! Sashimi! Salmon! Tuna! Kakiage! Unagi Tofu! Kani Maki! Yum. Lol..
After lunch, Sheila had to go off to meet her friend and go dye her hair! Hahaha. So the three of us went BOWLING. Which sucked.. Seriously, the lanes there suck! Don't go there for bowling people! Well, Theo did better in the 2nd game while Adele did better in the first game! Yep.
Next, it was Adele's turn to go.. She went to meet Josiah. Haha. So it was left with me and Theo. We proceeded to play pool! =D My angle-judgement is getting real poor, or maybe it has always been this way. Ah.. Yea. Lol. Theo got in lotsa good shots and almost won me the second round.. I lost the first round to her, knocking in the black ball too early. Hahaha. You're improving, Theo! =)
Monday, November 19, 2007
12:24 AM
Ok supposed to have gone to sleep, but ended up reading the "Ask A Question" section on TPJC.net.. Mmmmm.
Found some interesting and meaningful things people say.. Haha.. Didn't find the question rather intelligent, but well, we all do ask this question once or more during life..
The question, "What's the point of living if we're all going to die anyway?"
Some answers are..
1. All you have to do in life is to decide what to do with the time that is given to you.
2. Death makes the good times better and gives value to our time here because we know one day it's going to end.
3. Life is for you to ask questions and be answered.
4. Live life so that when you die, you don't tell yourself,"I could have lived it better."
5. What's the point of bathing if you're just going to get dirty again? What's the point of eating when you are going to get hungry again? What's the point of riding a rollercoaster when the ride will eventually end? The point of life is to enjoy the process..
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
A PSALM OF LIFE
WHAT THE HEART OF THE YOUNG MAN SAID TO THE PSALMIST
TELL me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream ! —
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.
Life is real ! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal ;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.
Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way ;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.
Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.
In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle !
Be a hero in the strife !
Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant !
Let the dead Past bury its dead !
Act,— act in the living Present !
Heart within, and God o'erhead !
Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time ;
Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.
Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate ;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
11:27 PM
Ah.. You know, playing Tower Defense isn't good for personal relations.. Cause its kinda like, group project work.
You may normally be able to get along with people and thus become very good friends.. But when you do group work, friendships do get hurt due to different working styles and all. Tis the same for TD.
Dickson, what I said during the game, no offense k? Haha. Told you to remove your towers cause well, in this game kills are important and I tried to think of a better way to phrase it but I couldn't.. 'Pls remove your towers' and 'Pls take away your towers', these two don't seem to be any different to me. LOL. and also, I was pretty frantic over deciding how to make my defense stronger and so kinda didn't have time to think too much about the phrasing. But well, sorry dude!! =)
Future TD matches, 1 on 1 is the best. =D
9:49 PM
AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Just realised there is a jap drama series, 'Hero'.. And I JUST caught a bit of it on Channel U..
Ok that's not the reason why I'm like.. AHHHH-ing..
The thing is, me, Ernest, Ken and Sadik caught the movie, 'Hero' YESTERDAY.. and there were many things unexplained in the movie that left me HUH-ing.. Like about the guy with cancer in jail, the first time where Kuryu faced off with the ex minister in court, the six years that Kuryu left for another branch of the D.A.. etc.. Yea.
Watched 'Hero' on TV and realised, "I HAVE TO GET THE DVD FOR the TV version of HERO!" Or I'd be missing out on alot of the backgroun information. Hahaha. Asked Mum to look out for it le. Hopefully I'll have it by the end of next week. =D
Oh and realised, a hot TV series on Channel 5 is HEROES and on Channel U is HERO. LOL. What's with the names la! *chuckle*
Friday, November 16, 2007
9:32 PM
Farouq's Birthday Party! Hahaha =D
Pics tell a million words..
Vilage at Heeren!
Tiramisu!
Theo eating.. Errm. I forgot what. LOL.
Theo, Sheila and Farouq on.. COWS? Outside Vilage. Heh. Mmmmm.
The four of us. =)
Thursday, November 15, 2007
7:43 PM
'Some things either happen too late or too soon..'
How true, how true indeed.
I'd hope not then. Haha..
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
7:58 PM
There are just some things I can't explain..
I thought and I came back.. But nope..
Tired.. I'm always tired after that.
No strength after that..
Dejected after that...
Am I supposed to be glad that A's is almost over..? (Technically, yes..)
I felt really excited and happy since like last last week. In a way I'm still feeling excited, but then, there's still this deep, drowning, smothering, suffocating feeling..
What does the end of A's mean to you? Mmmmm. To me it means alot of things..
The end of having friends around you all the time..
The end of being able to TRY any more than you already have..
The end of getting THAT ONE MORE CHANCE.. Cause right now, it's the end of the line. Don't you get it by now? It's the end of the line..
So what happens now..? It's too late to look back, though your head seems to move of its own accord, throwing you back into the past.. Is there any use of telling yourself, "I wish I had done something else.. I wish I had done it just a lil better.."
I guess that's what it means to grow up eh?
So here we are in e still of this moment. Fear is gone, hope lives on..
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
Eagle in the dark
Feathers in the pages
Monkeys in my heart
Rattling their cages
Monday, November 12, 2007
4:41 PM
Be Like A Dosed Black Eyed Gary
Eagle in the dark
Feathers in the pages
Monkeys in my heart
Rattling their cages
Found a way to blue
Another ghost to follow
Said "It's only up to you"
That's the hardest pill to swallow
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love) [2x]
Where is the love
The love, the love
He spends his nights in California,
Watching the stars on the big screen
Then he lies awake and he wonders
"Why can’t that be me?"
Cause in his life he is filled
With all these good intentions
He's left a lot of things
He'd rather not mention right now
But just before he says goodnight,
He looks up with a little smile at me,
And he says,
"If I could be like that,
I would give anything
Just to live one day, in those shoes
If I could be like that
What would I do,
What would I do?"
People killin', people dyin'
Children hurt and you hear them cryin'
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek
Father, Father, Father help us
Send some guidance from above
'Cause people got me, got me questionin'
Where is the love (Love)
Where is the love (The love)
Where is the love (The love) [2x]
Where is the love
The love, the love
You never get to choose
You live on what they sent you
And you know they're gonna use
The things you love against you
One foot in the grave
One foot in the shower
There's never time to save
You're paying by the hour
And that's just the way it goes
Falling awake
And that's just the way it goes
Falling Awake
Way up on the mountain where she died
All I ever wanted was your life
Deep inside the canyon I can't hide
All I ever wanted was your life
Where is the love
The love, the love
Sunday, November 11, 2007
2:01 PM
Once again I was looking through the "Who's viewed you?" list today. Haha.
There was a Jie Yun, a Sara, Dominic, a Ginny and a Shakur..
Clicked to see who that is and realised she's from TPJC too. Hmmm. But I've never seen her before! Lol. Strange eh.. 2 years and I still have never seen her before? I've seen her classmates but not her. Heh.. Yea.
Then Sara. TKGS choir.. Sec 4 this year.. AND she's already my friend in friendster?? Erm. I looked through her photos but still.. NO. I haven't got a clue who she is. LOL. The only person I can think of is Victoria?? Hahaha. Victoria's Sec four and in TKGS choir too..
There's also Dominic who added me on friendster. Remember him from my J1 chinese class. Mmmmm. Haha. He added Dixon just a while ago..
Ginny.. Who is linked to me through Xue Min..
And a Shakur who is linked to me through Edelia. Hahaha.
Friendster's fun. =D
Friday, November 09, 2007
6:06 PM
Anyone wanna go on the "Tour The MRT Stations" Night Cycling Trip? HAHAHA. I've completed the route FINALLY! =D
I'll be your tour guide for the night!(and morning)
So get a group, and let's go! =D
After A's that's for sure. hahaha.
If you stay near one of the east-side MRT stations, we can meet up with you there or you can come down to Pasir Ris MRT where we'll start out. =)
Monday, November 05, 2007
4:00 PM
ZHAO XING SHI. LOL. =D
That's what our dear DJ Dixon called me on his radio call-in today. Hahaha.
How many times has my name been mentioned on the national radio ah?? Hahaha.. Just asked Fyonne to help me count since she herself has mentioned my name quite a few times.. But then she told me to count myself. *sigh* =P
I think it's.. about 6 times?? Haha..
Perhaps you're right, Fyonne.. Mmmmm. Heh. Yea, perhaps you're right..
And perhaps I'm not that kinda person.. Perhaps I'm not very impressed by any one-off things, but rather I like continuous things..
But its human nature eh? To keep wanting more and more of what you have.. Getting less than what you have gotten before ain't satisfying anymore.. And it sure is painful to lower the bar.. But like it or not, everyone is forced to every once in a while. Like I am forced to, in so many areas.. Mmmmm.
But unlike other things, my standard of FOOD doesn't drop. Sadly. Lol. And my family's great willingness to spend on good food sure has raised the bar till very few places are able to make me feel that the food was AWESOME anymore.. I wish the bar would fall like all the others.. Haha.
Perhaps I've to lower the bar for many things in my life in order to be happy..
Hmmmm..
And perhaps, I'm being too harsh on you.. But I'm only harsh to the people important to me..
Thursday, November 01, 2007
11:47 PM
In Your Hands - Hillsongs
I'm so secure, You're here with me
You stay the same, Your love remains here in my heart
So close I believe, You're holding me now
In Your hands I belong, You'll never let me go
So close I believe, You're holding me now
In Your hands I belong, You'll never let me go
You gave your life
In Your endless love
You set me free
And showed the way
Now I am found
All along, You were beside me
Even when I couldn't tell
Through the years, You showed me more of You, more of You
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
The song that got me through today.. =D